In February of 2009, the one-month culmination exercise known as Robin Sage stood between myself and the coveted Green Beret. I had spent the last two years suffering at the hands of battle hardened Green Berets, who made it clear that we would be tested until the last minute of training. With two months left, the light at the end of the tunnel burned bright; however, this training iteration would prove to be the most difficult and enlightening month of my life.

From the first day it seemed as if the stars were aligned against me. I was the youngest and least experienced man on my team, so I was chosen for numerous leadership positions. It snowed multiple times, with temperatures frequently dropping into the 20’s. Every night I shivered underneath the stars, literally wondering if I might freeze to death. I suffered through a terrible case of gastroenteritis. At one point my team ran out of food for three days and when we did eat it was no more than 1,000 calories a day. Between the elements, physical exertion, illness and lack of food, I lost almost 30 pounds during Robin Sage. Even after getting shot, I still use this period as a barometer for what a bad month looks like.

If these extrinsic factors were not enough, I was also plagued with self-doubt. I had made it through 22 months of training; however, I was untested and unsure of my ability to perform the duties of a Green Beret.