“My Fellow Americans, Ask Not What Your Country Can Do For You, Ask What You Can Do For Your Country.” President John F. Kennedy

“Thank you for your service.” These are usually the words I hear once someone learns I served in the US Army. While I am grateful that the majority of our country appreciates the sacrifice of military service members, this statement always makes me wonder if we appreciate the service and sacrifice to our country of those outside of the US military.

My wife is a Registered Nurse and for the past three years has chosen to work at a women’s homeless shelter. Not because the pay is great, but because the women need her. After family members, friends and society have given up on these women, my wife stands ready to help them.

After graduating from a Top-25 law school, my younger brother turned down six-figure salaries at the nation’s top law firms to become an assistant-district attorney. He routinely works 80+ hours a week to ensure the law is upheld.   If there is a murder or a child-pornography case, he has to examine every piece of evidence and interview each person involved. After experiencing the horrors of war, I know that these are things that you cannot un-see and will stay with you the rest of your life.

Two of my best friends are high school math teachers. When I think about it, I would much rather be back in Afghanistan,

My excitement was palpable as I hobbled from my car to the 1st Special Forces Group Rehabilitation Center. My clunky full leg brace squeaked with each awkward step. After spending the last two months on crutches to allow my fractured hip to heal, I was finally cleared to put pressure on my left leg. Nothing could dampen my spirits on this day, not even the gloomy November overcast that is endemic to the Pacific Northwest.

I quickly downloaded my gear, took off my leg brace, popped in my headphones and mentally prepared myself to have the most intense workout of my life. When I took the first step without my leg brace, my body crumpled to the floor. The nerve damage I had sustained from the gunshot wound to my abdomen two months prior caused my quadriceps muscles to wither away, leaving my leg just barely bigger than my arm. Sprawled out on the floor, I took a few deep breaths and asked myself “how badly do you want this…how badly do you want to walk again?”

Over the course of the following two years, it was not uncommon for me to fall while working out or simply walking down the aisle at the grocery store. Every time I fell, I was embarrassed and had to ask myself, “how bad do you want this?” This process occurred a thousand times. However, each time that I picked myself up, my resolve to heal was greater. The process of literally having to pick myself up off the ground served as great practice for my transition from the military to the civilian world.

 

 

In February of 2009, the one-month culmination exercise known as Robin Sage stood between myself and the coveted Green Beret. I had spent the last two years suffering at the hands of battle hardened Green Berets, who made it clear that we would be tested until the last minute of training. With two months left, the light at the end of the tunnel burned bright; however, this training iteration would prove to be the most difficult and enlightening month of my life.

From the first day it seemed as if the stars were aligned against me. I was the youngest and least experienced man on my team, so I was chosen for numerous leadership positions. It snowed multiple times, with temperatures frequently dropping into the 20’s. Every night I shivered underneath the stars, literally wondering if I might freeze to death. I suffered through a terrible case of gastroenteritis. At one point my team ran out of food for three days and when we did eat it was no more than 1,000 calories a day. Between the elements, physical exertion, illness and lack of food, I lost almost 30 pounds during Robin Sage. Even after getting shot, I still use this period as a barometer for what a bad month looks like.

If these extrinsic factors were not enough, I was also plagued with self-doubt. I had made it through 22 months of training; however, I was untested and unsure of my ability to perform the duties of a Green Beret.